Gimme My Food Back!

I have never known anyone to have more bad luck on blind dates than me. To give you a couple of examples my first blind date was with a girl who seemed very sweet and seem to have all her faculties about her until she started talking which she did non stop. At some point during her one way discourse, she started to talk about her kidney problems. Apparently she had recurring kidney stone issues. I was dumb struck during this diatribe on her part, which she took to be undivided interest on my part. Unintentionally I muttered out loud, “I don't believe this”. So she said, “You think I am making this up? Well check this out then!”. She rummaged through her bag and extracted a small pill bottle. She unceremoniously opened it and spilled the contents onto the table. I could not believe what was laying there! Three little rocks, which she told me were her keepsake kidney stones. Her obsession required that she carry them with her all the time! I have heard of weird keepsakes, but this was just too much for me.

After dinner she got up from the table and excused herself and proceeded to the ladies room, where she seemed to spend quite some time. After what seemed like a half hour, she had still not returned. I started to worry. The next time the waitress came by I asked her if she would check up on her for me. The waitress went into the washroom and immediately came running out shouting for someone to call the ambulance. I ran in to see if there was anything I could do to help and noticed vomit all over the floor. Seems she was a binge and purge artist and is now being treated for bulimia nervosa. Funny I didn't notice she had any problem, but then I had thought it a little weird that she was wearing such bulky clothing on such a hot day. I guess it just goes to show you that there are some very sick people walking around and you would not know it if you are not specifically looking for it.

I did let my friends suck me into a few more blind dates, but fortunately, none of them gave me the same severe negative reaction as the first one. There was the goth looking more like Dracula's bride than a date, miss sunshine who was so bubbly she made you want to vomit, tattoo lady with snakes and lizards adorning all of her visible skin, and iron maiden who wore tons of metal stuff stuck through various parts of her anatomy (yuk). All of these I just put down to personal incompatibilities because I have since seen all of them apparently dating other dudes.

My very last blind date was really a humdinger. A now ex-friend of mine gave her my email address and told me that she was really hot. Anyway we chatted through email and spoke on the phone several times, she sounded very sexy and cool so I could hardly wait to meet her. She gave me every reason to believe that she had the hots for me as much as I did her. We decided to meet at a Red Lobster. In a bid to make a good first impression, I arrived first and secured our reservation at a window seat. I saw an old Toyota Tercel pull into the parking lot with the front driver side riding low. I remember thinking that the front spring in the car must be broken. It parked and the door opened, and out stepped (well stepped is a bad word for the series of motions it took her to extract herself from the vehicle) my date. OUCH!

My date, the person that I thought I had already lost my heart to, was enormous! And I do not mean tall. All of our conversations were apparently based on lies! She had been totally deceitful with me. What was she thinking by setting me up this way? She told me she had an average body type. I don't think I've ever seen a slender hippo, and that is about the best example from the animal world that she most resembled. 

My face must have looked shocked, but before she could see me, I managed to compose myself and put my best foot forward (all the time hoping that she would not step on it). The waiter brought her to my table and we ordered our drinks and food. When our food orders came to the table her stomach was so big she couldn't reach her plate. I was stunned to watch her calmly pick up the end of the table, pull it towards her, and plunk the edge of it on her abdomen. I forgot my hunger and just stared at her as she proceeded to wolf down her dinner. She reached over and grabbed mine asking, “You're not eating this are you?” On top of this, she ordered and ate three different deserts, all the time remarking at how she thought that desert was the best part of any meal. I paid the bill, which put a serious dent in my wallet, and wound the evening down as quickly as it was polite to do. I stopped at a Burger King on the way home because I had not managed to eat a thing during my ordeal. I just ordered regular sizes. I just did not have the desire to face any more whoppers that night. I had had enough super sizes for the night. She e-mailed me telling me she had a great time and wanted to know when we were getting together again. I said, “Never! My job had moved and I will be leaving the country shortly”.

I have wised up since then. No longer would I subject myself to the crazy uncertainties of any more blind dates.
From now on Online Dating  Sites are the only places I hang out. Needless to say, I am much better at detecting phonies than I used to be, so I seldom have any negative surprises. The only negative things that I have to face now are not getting a good vibe from a woman that I would otherwise be proud to be with forever.

Here is where I found the  top personals sites to join:
best online dating sites